The Parentnoia

Advanced Parentnoia is a condition you get when your kids grow up and move away and they're doing absolutely great and yet you have anxiety about how much you should text them and/or whether or not your texts are interesting or annoying to them.

I suffer from Advanced Parentnoia, even though my kids tell me I can text as much as I want and that they enjoy my texts.  I've identified a 3rd component of Advanced Parentnoia and that is wondering if your kids are telling you the truth or just being kind because they feel sorry for you.

I've got to start dealing with my Advanced Parentnoia because it's getting in the way of my enjoyment of my day. Step one is always identify the problem and clearly I've done that.  Step two is called text flooding, when you just flood your kids with texts each day and focus on feeling good about each and every text, erasing any doubts or discomfort.  That's the phase I'm beginning today.  You're on your way down, Advanced Parentnoia.

The Examples

Ana Teresa Fernandez

I was reading over an old notebook this morning and I came across this comment, "I always think I don't like things, and then I do."  In other words, my negative thinking can't always be trusted and perhaps should be avoided altogether. Here are some examples of negative thinking I've encountered in myself and others recently.

Example 1: Yesterday I was talking to a woman who was about to go on a coffee date with someone she met on line.  She was super nervous about it. The poor gal kept talking about how she had worked hard to style her hair and it just looked stupid and there was nothing she could do about it at this point.  I personally felt her hair looked fine and I told her so.  Maybe they'll hit it off and have that rare, but often pleasant, second date? Anything's possible.

Example 2:   I keep getting an email notification from my school district telling me that I'm way past due for watching the informational video about Slips, Trips and Falls.  I keep avoiding this obligation because I don't want to spend 30 minutes of my precious time clicking a screen as I listen to people talking about slips, trips and falls.  But let's face it.  It's not that big a deal and maybe I'll learn something that could save my life one day.

Example 3:  On Friday I thought I was going to jump off a bridge because the Thirdlanders had indoor recess for the zillionth day in a row and I was starting to freak out about the noise level and  the chaos, but then I just endured it and time passed and it was over.  I didn't enjoy it, but recess ended and I lived to tell the tale. 

So I've shared 3 examples of the importance of avoiding negative expectations.  Now I will share a haiku I wrote on January 9:

Leaf walking along

I turn it over to see

Slug waving hello

The Cats

I need to get my Valentines today or tomorrow.  I've probably left it too late.  Maybe I'll make them.  Red heart.  Kitten sticker. How hard can it be?  I just bought a new pack of kitten stickers.  We have a crew of Thirdlander boys who love cats.  They make up stories and games called KITTY WARS.  In Kitty Wars, cats transform into different super heroes when they need to.  Otherwise, they're just regular cats.

One of our current inquiry centers has to do with zoo enrichment.  At that center, the kids read biographies of cats who live at the Exotic Feline Rescue Center.  These cats have had tough lives.  One kid asked me, "What does this mean....These two lions were rescued when they were found in their cage with their two dead owners?"  I thought the meaning was pretty clear, but we talked through it.

Our centers are about simple machines.  As you probably know the six simple machines are:  Wheel/Axle, Lever, Wedge, Inclined Plane, Pulley, and the Screw.  So after reading about the cats' histories, Thirdlanders look at pictures of zoo enrichment designs to make animals who are stuck in zoos happier and more interested in life.  They also read two books about pulleys.  Then Thirdlanders work with cardboard boxes, pulleys, rope, plastic cups, and about six plastic wild cat toys.  They design an enriched environment for the Exotic Feline Rescue Center cats that integrates simple machines.

The EFRC does a great job of enriching the lives of these cats who have gone through horrors for most of their lives and we acknowledge this.  So trust me... this center is not in any way a disparagement of the EFRC.  We are EFRC fans in Room 200.  The Thirdlanders love this center and they love the cat toys.  One of the Kitty War boys held up a panther to me yesterday and said, "I love him so much.  Where'd you get him, Dr. H.?"

OMG.  NO LIE.  I just got the greatest idea.  I'm going to give the Thirdlanders plastic cat toys for VD.  I just ordered them from that place where you order stuff.  They'll be here soon!

Can't believe that twenty minutes ago I thought I had nothing to blog about. Now, not only have I created a fascinating piece of writing, I've solved a real world problem and clearly am on path to bringing a great deal of joy to others.    LITTLE LEEWAY strikes again.

The Totality

Chrystal Boger

We had it all today.  Tornado warnings torrential rains, a deluged creek filling up the parking lot which forced teachers to move their cars off campus, Flash Flood warnings beeping on a kid's smartphone medical device every 15 minutes, indoor recess, early dismissal, crying kids, the whole nine yards, the whole shebang.  My class was mostly pretty calm, but you say the word "tornado" around here and people start losing it.  One Thirdlander said, "My brother told me that if I'm in a tornado, my arms and legs are going to be ripped off."  I wasn't sure what to say because obviously if you're inside a tornado, you will quite likely suffer loss of limb, but I came up with something soothing.  Because of the early dismissal, parents were picking up every ten minutes or so all afternoon long, so it was hard to get into anything that can be categorized as education.  After several conversations about how we're all safe and sound, kids made some literacy choices and ate oreos.  Though we ended an hour early, I actually felt like I spent 13 to 15 hours at the school site over the course of this day.  

The Fairy

I crochet during Morning Meeting, which keeps me calm and kind as the Thirdlanders share their relevant topics. As I've mentioned here before, we have different perspectives about relevance in Thirdland, despite our frequent discussions around the definition of this term.

 Yesterday, two Thirdlanders signed up together for relevant topics.  Their families are friends, so they hang out together quite a bit.

"The Valentine's Day Fairy is coming to our houses now.  She comes every day in February until Valentine's Day," said the first kiddo.
"Today she brought me chocolate," said the other.
"She'll bring things every day," said the first kid.

Everyone was quiet for a moment and then another Thirdlander asked, "How do you get the fairy to come to your house?"
One of the kiddos answered, "I'm not sure.  I think she just comes."

It took all my power not to scream out, "There's no Valentine's Day Fairy.  It's your parents! Please don't talk about this again."  Instead I continued crocheting and asked the next kid on the list to share their relevant topic.  I'm not sure why some families have decided it's a good idea to create a fairy for February, but I'm sure they have their reasons.  I'm hoping the VDFairy doesn't catch on. Why ruin a perfectly good month?

January Writing Challenge #10: Write about learning.

It's interesting to see people learning stuff around me all day long. Some ideas seem to take forever to sink in.  Other ideas are snatched up and owned instantly.  Sometimes I want to pull my hair out after teaching a math lesson.  Then, a week later, everyone seems to be solving the problems pretty much independently.  I love making adjustments to my teaching as I think about how the learning's going.  Lots of times I have to say, Let's back up a minute.  This isn't working.  What if we did it this other way?  The Thirdlanders are usually patient about that.  They're good peeps.  Best learners I know. 

January Writing Challenge #9: Write about a hope.

https://crudethings.com

I hope I can think of a new writing project one of these days.  Both my books come from graduate school work as do the articles I've co-written.  Now I'm project-less and I hope I'm not one of those flunkies who can only come up with writing projects when guided by the structures of an academic community.  Note to self:  COME ON HEFFERNAN! GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME.  But here's the thing... part of me actually likes this project-less time, where I feel okay about taking time to exercise, read, and have fun with Husbandman and pals.  Just this morning in fact, I dared Husbandman to go outside to our Negative SEVEN degree yard and stand in front of the window for a minute.  He did it and I could barely stop laughing long enough to take a photo.  He didn't even wear a coat.  He said it really wasn't that cold. If I had a writing project, I probably wouldn't have taken time for this amazing dare.  Maybe I would have.  Not really sure.  But back to my point.  I feel like I want to start working on a new project and I sincerely hope I can figure out something that can get me writing again.  The Thirdlanders are doing some cool things and I've lots of things I'm curious about that I could start looking into.  We're going to be away for an entire month this summer in Toronto.  Wouldn't it be great if I had a fun project to write about each day, before I walk over to the dumpling places for lunch? 

I hope I can come up with something soon.  As my Nana used to say, "We shall see, said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer... and saw."  

ps I love this mural by Lana Guerra. 

January Writing Challenge # 8: Write about a success.

"I'm not sure what to write about today.  The prompt is 'Write about a success.'"

Husbandman answers, "We finished the NYT Saturday crossword in under 19 minutes today.  That's a success."

He's right.  We rocked the Saturday.

We also achieved genius status on the Bee puzzle, which we do each morning with our coffee.  We almost always achieve genius status on the Bee, because we revisit the puzzle before going to bed each night to gather some extra points and words.

Tonight's our bridge night with J and PA.  We're learning bridge, and I'm determined to be successful at it by the time the calendar turns to 2020.  Bridge is like an advanced graduate seminar in physics.  There's a ton of stuff to learn and remember and mostly I feel like a putz when I play bridge.  I'm not successful yet at bridge, but I'm determined to become a competitive bridge player by the time I turn 60.  There are bridge cruises to Hawaii, the Caribbean, and to the Mediterranean and I intend to sail aboard a bridge cruise at some point in the future probably.

January Writing Challenge #7: Write about a loss.

Yesterday, at the end of the day, I lost two things.  My patience and my temper.  It happened during "clean up time."  That's the time when about 3 kids and I clean up the room, while the others talk, floss dance, run around and pair up for inventive games that involve choking one another.  While the clean up music is on, and I'm cleaning the room, I'm yelling, "Thirdlander, you left all your art supplies on the floor over here"  and "Thirdlander, your iPad needs to be in the cart," and "Thirdlander, you were supposed to clear off your table first before you went over to the cubbies to talk about Minecraft."

Yesterday I lost it and made everyone sit down to watch me clean up the room.  I walked around ranting as I picked up whiteboards, pencils, stray papers, books, and markers.  With each item I picked up, I said stuff like, "Hey!  Here's a whiteboard!  I'll pick this up and put it in the whiteboard bin" and "Look here, two pencils on the floor, let me pick these up and put them in the pencil case sitting right here on this table."  I did this pretty loudly and longly.  It was a big fat drag for everyone.

We had a talk about "clean up" time after my rant was done and I had successfully cleaned up the entire room. We're going to put some new procedures into play today, but I don't have high hopes that things will change that much.  I want to be optimistic, but I guess I've lost that too.  Basically, I hate "clean up" time.

January Writing Challenge #6: Write about a person.

In Thirdland, we're reading biographies.  We're reading 2 picture book biographies about the same person.  Then we're comparing the books we read.  I read two books about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. to the Thirdlanders.  Then I made a flow map about the important events in his life.  Now it's time to write.  My piece is going to be informational, but also include some opinions.  It's going to be creative and unique.  I'm just not sure how that's going to happen yet.

I was going to write a rough draft about Dr. King for the blogging challenge, but I've been working on it, and I'm not too happy with how it's turning out.  I need to spend more time jazzing it up.  So I'm sorry to tell you that while I am writing about a person today, you will not be reading that writing.

At any rate, Happy Holidays and remember to spread some love around today in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

   

January Writing Challenge #5: Write about a joy.

Joy is my big sister.  She lives in Florida with her partner Paula.  They have a sailboat and they're sailing to Key West right now.  Whenever she's on a trip, Joy sends me pictures of beautiful sunsets, dolphins jumping in the waves, cool birds.  She texts me about sea turtles swimming next to the boat, and manatees.  She's an amazing photographer.

Husbandman and I are going to visit Joy and Paula for spring break.  I want to swim in the ocean and in Joy's pool.   I would also like to see some wildlife, of any type.  Planning a trip to see Joy is a joy, when it comes right down to it.