The Reasoning

 This is our 3rd day in a row of "E-Learning." I have to say that though I would love 100% completion of all my fascinating assignments, we really are pretty close to that.  Well over 90%

I've been enjoying some of the reasons that 3rdLanders offer in the assignment submission text box when they can't seem to get the job done.

"I did about half of this.  I'll finish up when we get back to school in person."

"Was too busy."

"I searched the African American History site you sent us, but there was nothing on Harriet Tubman."

I heart the 3rdLanders.

The Learning

 It makes me happy when 100% of the Thirdlanders complete the assignments I create for our e-learning days.  

When I get 100% of the work submitted, I feel like life is worth living and I'm filled with the strength I need to carry on.

Even 95% completion rate brings on doldrums and a morose sense of ineptitude and purposelessness. 

I wonder if the 3rdLanders know how much their efforts impact me.  If they understood my feelings, they'd probably rally round to protect 3rdLand's reputation for gold medal excellence and effort.

I will clarify my position on work completion when and if we meet up tomorrow in person. 

The Big Storm

 We're in the middle of the big storm.  5 to 8 inches will fall onto our land  by the time the storm is done.  I do like a big snow storm, as long as I'm inside my home looking out the window.  Right now, all is well.

But if in-person school is not called off tomorrow, we're going to suffer some dire consequences. I'm not going to be able to get out of the driveway with my car and will be forced to walk the 1.6 miles to the school site. 

By the way, Matthew Henson and Edward Peary had to deal with weather like this in 1893 when they were in Greenland to map the arctic circle.  They ran low on supplies and had to eat all but one of their sled dogs.  I wonder if the remaining sled dog was relieved that he was not eaten, or heartbroken that his friends had been killed.  Probably a mix of both.

The Catapults

 We had the Day o' Love party yesterday in Thirdland.  We made small catapults out of popsicle sticks and spoons and shot conversation hearts straight up to the ceiling with them.  One 3rdLander proclaimed that 8 of her own hearts had hit her in the face during the party. 

I always feel that teachers should get an extra check for hosting the holiday parties.  It's tough work providing truly fun events where everyone has a blast, but the wildness is contained and monitored and everyone goes home with fond memories of the day.

I will take my bonus in bitcoin.  I'm starting to invest in bitcoin this year.

The Pairings

 We have E-Learning Days now.  They used to be snow days, but now we have to put work on a "learning platform" and the students do the work from their homes and we grade the work from our homes. It's okay.  Not the best, not the worst.

Today I'm wondering about starting a new business called Simple Pairings.  It's a restaurant where the menu consists of a 3 course meal of simple pairings, and that's what you get when you go there. For example, one night you might be offered:

carrots and hummus

toast and cheese

cognac and a cookie

It would be expensive, because all the ingredients would be top notch, but super worth the money. Relaxing and not too much folderol.  

Premise # 19:

 This is the last day of the fiction premise challenge.  It's been fun.  I will write more from time to time.  I didn't get to 31 premises.  I actually only accomplished 62% of the task, which would be a D minus in real life, but I did my best and I'm forgetting the rest. Here's my last premise of January.

A high school teacher has an affair with his principal. The principal is married.  Finally, the principal breaks off the affair. The teacher is ticked off and wants revenge, so he starts having affairs with several students.  

The students who have rendezvous'd with this character think it's all in good fun.  (They're seniors, all over 18).  They tattoo the teacher's initials on their arms, like a badge of honor. 

The principal gets a call from an irate parent.  Everything's about to go haywire. The teacher goes missing.  The substitute teacher has been vying for a position at the school for over a year, so he becomes a suspect. Other suspects are the seniors, the principal, the parents.  

But the teacher's having the last laugh.  He's off in the Yucatan traveling around in a food truck, selling grilled cheese sandwiches with the principal's husband!

Premise #18: Typewriter Day

 

A woman becomes obsessed with typewriters after watching an incredible documentary, American Typewriter.  After years of browsing at flea markets, a blue Smith Corona appears magically on her social media wall.  The price is perfect.  She can't hit the "make an offer" button fast enough.   

A confusing back and forth with the "seller," finally leads to an arranged meeting.  She will drive 30 miles to a Walmart parking lot for the deal.  When the day of the trade arrives, she's excited and texts all her pals, "It's Typewriter Day!" 

The "seller" lures the woman into her van to show her the typewriter.  Something happens in that van and we're not really sure exactly what has transpired.  We know it's not good.

When she returns home, she complains about the rainy drive.   Her husband responds to her mood with a muttered, "What's with you? I thought Typewriter Day was going to be more celebratory." 

She stalks into her bedroom with the typewriter.  He hears her clicking away. After a few days of silent treatment, things get back to nearly normal, but the woman is obsessed with the typewriter.  She comes home from work and begins typing immediately.  Every day, she stuffs her pieces of writing into stamped envelopes and directly into her purse. 

When asked what she's mailing, the woman just smiles and says, "That's for me to know and you to find out." 

The woman begins getting texts round the clock.  She's vague about the constant pinging. Then one day, she doesn't come home from work. The police are useless. Husbandman decides to find his wife. His first move is to track down the typewriter dealer.

Premise #17: Restaurant Wars

A guy gets kicked off of a cooking competition. Every week after that another restaurant belonging to the remaining contestants burns to the ground.  It's always the next person who gets kicked off who goes home to a charred restaurant.  The show's getting a lot of bad PR, so they hire a detective to investigate the arsons.  Can the next restaurant be saved?  The remaining contestants are cooking for their lives and their livelihoods.

Story Premise #16: Bambi, A Life in the Town

 

Bambi, the Disney movie, is based on a book for adults called, Bambi, A Life in the Woods.  

In this updated version, Bambi and friends (an opossum and a chipmunk) live in a residential area.  Bambi and his pals eat plants from neighborhood gardens, empty bird feeders, scare little dogs and cross busy streets.  A domestic cat befriends the wild characters and delivers bits of cat wisdom about human perspectives and motivations.  No humans speak in this story, but Bambi and crew conjecture, and learn, about the actions and reactions of their human neighbors. Some humans seem to enjoy Bambi's presence.  Others aren't so welcoming. Eventually, Bambi meets another deer and they have an adorable fawn. 

Crisis comes when the town schedules a residential deer kill.  Men and women with crossbows walk through yards and parking lots, killing deer left and right. Bambi is a coveted prize with his fine antlers. He gets hit with an arrow, but not killed.  He escapes to some woods beyond a new subdivision.  His partner is not so lucky. It's left to Bambi to break the news to his son.  

Story Premise #15: Do You Get It?

 Here's the thing.  New President.  Yay.  Report Cards due this week.  Boo.  But here's the other thing.  I really liked The Dead Ends premise and thought....will I ever be able to write a premise that I like as much as this one?  That probably happens to real time authors in real life, so I'm going to move past it.  Here's something ridiculous.

Jane and Jake.  High school sweethearts.  Jane was voted class clown four years running.  She's always doing nutty things.  Everyone, including Jane, thinks she's hilarious. Jake often is annoyed by Jane's antics, but he loves her anyway.  Jake is captain of the debate team and his personality tends toward the flat line.  People said they balanced each other out.

They get married after graduation. After 6 years of an up and down marriage, Jane gets pregnant.  They're both happy about being parents, but Jane makes a big joke out of the entire 9 month pregnancy.  Jake wishes she would calm down. He worries about what kind of mom she'll be. 

Jane's water breaks at her job at the local newspaper. Jake is at his dental hygienist job.  Jane doesn't call Jake.  She calls a Lyft.  She wants to video her ride to the hospital so she can make an Insta story.  She knows Jake would never be okay with that.  She thinks it's hilarious when contractions are coming faster and faster and the Lyft driver ends up birthing the kid on the side of the road.  Jane's screaming with pain and laughter while filming the entire thing.  

Later at the hospital, Jane explains to Jake that she's told the nurse to put the name Carly on the birth certificate.  "Get it?  She was born in a car?" 

Jane's giggling away when Jake whispers through clenched teeth, "Yeah, I get it.  And you'll be getting divorce papers soon." 

So the whole story from then on out is about Jake and Jane raising Carly from their separate homes.  They continue to have tensions.  Both find other partners.  As Carly gets older, Jake and Jane each sees the good sides of their ex in their kiddo.  And by the time she heads off to college, the two find their way back to each other. 

Story Premise #14: The Dead Ends

Four high school seniors decide to head out for Trick or Treating.  There's nothing else to do, so why not grab some free candy?  As high schoolers will at times, they dial it in where their Halloween costumes are concerned.  Trisha tosses a tape measure around her neck and a pencil behind her ear.  She's a seamstress.  Simon grabs his Dodgers cap and his brother's baseball bat.  Shortstop.  Lois puts on her cousin's red TARGET vest.  She works at Target.  Samantha carries around a stuffed tiger toy.  Zookeeper.

They drive to the neighborhood best known for good candy and begin their trek. Since they're arriving on the late side of the city's Halloween hours, many neighbors react with annoyance. Over and over, they're asked if they might be a little old for trick or treating. The teens just giggle goofily.  Happy with their haul, they meander from one street to the next.  They venture down a dead end street for one final house. This place is covered with Halloween decor---goblins, witches and a veritable pumpkin patch of jack-o-lanterns on the front lawn.   Two old women open the door. When they see the teens, they tell them they are out of candy.  "What are you, anyway?" says one, and the teens laugh as they each share their Halloween identities.  The other woman shakes her head.  "Even if we had candy, we wouldn't share it with the likes of you.  You're making a mockery of an important holiday. This kind of foolishness will catch up with you one of these days."  

"Whatever," mutter the teens as they hightail it down the street.  They come back later to the sisters' house with eggs and toilet paper.  

The four move to different towns to attend various colleges.  They lose touch for twenty years.  At their high school reunion, they find a table and some beers and spend a fun evening reminiscing about days of yore. 

Those sure were good times," says Trisha.  After a pause, she adds, "I'm embarrassed to tell you all that I never did become a lawyer.  I work at a Dry Cleaners. I hem pants and skirts all day long. Box up the occasional wedding dress. So boring." 

Simon shrugs.  "I dropped out of UCLA after one semester. I sell concessions at Dodgers Stadium." 

Samantha pats him on the shoulder and says, "Hey, you've got it better than me. After I dropped out of UCSD, I got a job at the zoo.  It was fun for awhile, but most of my job consists of cleaning up animal poop." 

Lois chimes in quietly, "Well my job's nothing to brag about.  I couldn't handle the pace at Carleton.  I was invited to leave in my sophomore year.  I've been stocking shelves at Target every since."

Everyone's quiet for awhile, sipping their drinks.  Then Simon says, "Wait a minute."  

The four old friends consider taking a drive together.  Maybe there's something that can be done.  Maybe it's not too late to find the sisters and make amends.