The Fear

Woke up with a bit of anxiety yesterday and asked myself, "What the heck is this all about?"  On reflection I figured it out. Come to find out, I'm getting nervous about going to back to work in a few weeks. I love my slow mornings and my stretched out afternoon meanderings. I love being a teacher and yet my anxiety is real and stems from (1) a recognition that life's soon going to ratchet up like a rocket and (2) guilt about not being content with, and appreciative of, this amazing life. The old double edged sword.

In order to cultivate compassion for myself, Pema Chodron says I should move gently toward what scares me.  So yesterday I took a walk around Toronto.  I started my afternoon with a dumpling lunch, then wandered into parks, book stores and paper shops buying myself some gifts for my new school year.  I bought some great stickers, several marvelous read aloud books and JACKPOT! a new clipboard binder.  I'm telling you, that clipboard binder was expensive.

As I walked home with my new supplies, I felt lighter.  I was moving gently toward what was freaking me out, with a clipboard that's going to be the envy of everyone at the compound and a sticker book called YAY ALL DAY that's sure to ease reentry considerably.  I have 16 more days of summer. 16 more days of gently moving toward The Upside Down. Developing compassion with a few more forays into fun, friendship and freedom.